FC Azure Design sign work-shy, tackle-dodging bench-warmer, Martin Smith

It's been a while since last we updated you about the goings on of Wearside's least favourite five-a-side team, and we know how much you love it.

Following last season's healthy sixth-place finish in Crowtree's Southwick Carpets Wednesday Five-a-side league (Division One, you know!), the team embarked on something of a squad shake-up.

Loyal Azure employee Kev "Judas" Gibson left the team for artistic reasons, setting up rival outfit Redhouse and was shortly followed by hapless pat-a-cake "goalkeeper" Scott "I've got the keeper's strip and everything" Bentley, leaving a gaping hole in the squad (pff!).

Like most Sunderland fans, we were sad to hear news that former Rokerite Martin Smith's professional career lay in tatters. After leaving Darlington for a brief spell with Blyth Spartans it became obvious that the Fulwell Fox's 34-year-old body just wouldn't take any more.

Ever keen to turn another man's crushing misfortune to our own potential gain, representatives of FC Azure Design approached Martin to see if he would play for us (no medical required) and we were as surprised as anyone to sign him for an unconfirmed fee thought to be in the region of £0. We do buy him the odd pint of Guinness in Fitzgeralds after our games though.

To say that Martin has set the league on fire would be to enter the realms of wild exaggeration, but he's certainly taken the edge off the chill. FC Azure Design have been catapulted to the dizzy heights of third as opposition players have been rendered utterly confused about who they want to kick first - him or mouthy pygmy marmoset Dave Gourlay.

"You realise that I'll be injured around Christmas, don't you?" Martin told us after last week's run out against football fashionistas The Ivy House. "I've made sure I've been out every other year and I'm not going to change that now". Ah, the dedication of a true pro - it warms the cockles of your heart, so it does.

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