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FC Azure Design
End of Season Report 05/06
The 2005/06 season was yet another roller coaster ride in the Pallion Carpets 5 a-side league, packed with enough accident, incident and intrigue to fill a series of Footballers’ Wives, but with fewer fake tans... writes Azure's midfield, ahem, dynamo, Chris Scott.
After attaining the heady heights of 6th last year the newly monikered Azure Design were hit with an early set back when Dave Gourlay’s right arm was inexplicably squashed by a lorry, rendering him (h)armless for the first weeks of the season. Rumours that the injury ruined his sex life have yet to be substantiated!
As injuries and absences increasingly took their toll, the team was patched up with more ringers than a Jehovah’s Witness convention (it’s a slow burner!), but despite the Jekyll and Hyde nature of the results Azure remained firmly ensconced in 10th place.
The season also witnessed the ‘simmering’ sub-plot of Scott’s attempt and subsequent failure to break the goal-scoring hegemony of Howe & Gourlay and a dismal cup run, which saw the side spend less time in the cups than the average tea bag.
However, an amazing final run, which saw 8 wins from the last 10 matches pushed Azure into the fringes of Europe, means they are surely in contention for entry into next season’s Makita Cup (it does exist!).
The on-field momentum was not in vain however, as Azure Design secured their first trophy at the AGM, where they were crowned 2005/06 quiz champions, receiving a wapping 150 English pounds. Someone get the Bobby Zamora’s in!
Player Profiles
David ‘Maradona’ Gourlay
The lynch pin of Azure’s formidable frontline, the hairy Mackem genius has yet again run rings round opposition defences and a few referees as well! With his renowned ability to put his arse into areas Azure’s programmer would leave well alone, ‘the guv’nor’ has amassed another impressive goals haul based on his unerring ability to round defenders, whilst simultaneously eating a bag of Space Raiders. A fiery temper and a fine line in retorts, Gourlay has also found himself in hot water once or twice this season matched only by his by his desire to devour his favourite maize-based snacks.
Neil ‘Caniggia’ Howe
The other half of the Argentinean/Mackem pairing (it’s the best metaphor I could come up with), if Gourlay’s crisp addiction drives him to greater levels, then Howe is the team’s fashionista. Has been known to nick the unlikeliest of goals, whilst sporting a lovely silk cravat & off-the hip slacks, with his golden locks & golden balls (ask Debbie) he ghosts past opposition defenders, like… well, a ghost. This season Howe has been pushed all the way in the goal scoring charts only to pull it off in the end… what a pro.
Peter ‘Dangerous’ Daykin
Calm, composed with a steely edge… he really is very good that John Terry! Not in the same league as the man they call ‘Dangerous’ though (one plies his trade in the Premiership the other in less salubrious surroundings), a player who has a huge impact on any Azure result – even when he turns up late!
The Olaf Mellberg-bearded one brings a more cultured flavour to the team, he reads the game like a copy of the FT and then adds his own twist of entrepreneurial panache so many other sides lack. A rock at the back and a fine line in comedy quips, a true gentleman and the team’s proud sponsor.
Ed ‘The Cat’ Cook
Now onto a man who has the made the No1 spot his own, a multi-skilled behemoth of a sportsman, Edward TC Cook. At times busier than a one-armed juggler with crabs, but a safer pair of hands you’ll not find this side of the Wear. Knows the game better than his right hand and in possession of more football jargon than Ron Atkinson, (what does “turn out” actually mean?). His unparalleled work in the community and un-erring work ethic are second to none.
Chris ‘Scorps’ Scott
Which brings us finally to the man they call Scorpion Pockets. Tighter than Rik Waller’s waistband and a fine exponent of the square pass, ‘Scorps’ has forged a complementary defensive partnership with Dangerous Daykin and has even weighed in with a few goals, despite rumoured financial irregularities (apparently he once bought a round!).
Roll on next season gents…
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